Photo @ Hannah Gorman

Every couple of months I get an uneasy feeling of guilt creeping in to my system. I feel guilty for indulging in so much BJJ every single day – training twice a day, 6 days a week takes a toll on my body, my time with family and the energy I can give my friends. Travelling for comps is not cheap either, especially when there is barely any prize money on offer. So my brain often floods with doubt whether I’m doing the right thing or if I should spend my time and money on more productive things such as buying a house or starting my masters degree or a PhD.

I expressed these feelings to my sports psychologist last time we caught up and we did an interesting exercise. I had to write down the things that jiu jitsu has given me. Once I started writing, I couldn’t stop. This sports has and continues to give me so much.Recently I looked at the list again and I wasn’t surprised to remind myself that the medals, awards and trophies all scraped in last. Sure, my experiences of winning a major titles and sharing those moments with my teammates are indecribable and I will value them forever, but that’s not what gives me satisfaction each and every day on the mats.

What I value most is the friendships and close bonds I make with my teammates. When we opened Absolute South Yarra 1.5 years ago, Lachie and I knew what culture we wanted within a club and worked hard to make it a reality. We’ve figured that if we are going to spend 5 hours a day or more at a gym, we may as well try to make it the best 5 hours in our days.

When we first started, I was the only female training regulary. This was nothing new to me and I wasn’t bothered by it as I have some incredible male training partners, who became some of my best friends. But as more and more women started coming (and staying), I finally started to understand what it feels like to be a part of a group comprised of intelligent, strong and unique women who truly support each other.

When we opened the business, I was entrusted with a task of teaching a Ladies Only Class once a week. I was quite nervous to start off with, but slowly Friday nights become my favourite nights of the week. Not only because I get to teach and share my passion for BJJ with other women, but because these women teach me more that I ever thought possible.

The ladies of Absolute South Yarra and the many regular visitors from other clubs have called our group ‘Jits n Tits‘ and it stuck. It warms my heart and makes me smile to see such an inclusive and accepting group of women. They make sure beginners never feel left out and that everyone is always invited to social events. The girls have learnt to work hard, drill, train, support each other, roll hard, aim to continually improve, but without the jealousy. I am so lucky to call my students my friends and my training partners. I am lucky that I get to experience first hand how good it is to have a women who have my back. And I have theirs, at all times. It is an amazing feeling to see my students learn a new skill, then pull it off, to see them compete, and to get to travel together. Win or lose, we don’t care, because we have each other for support.

However, competing isn’t for everyone and that’s never our only focus.  For most, training is less to dowith jiu jitsu and more to do with life.  Being a part of such a positive group may give someone an hour out of their stressful life. It may make them realise just what they are capable of. It may make them smile again. It may make them know that they have a group that truly cares. We all come from very different walks of life and we all have something to add to the group, and jiu jitsu is just a small part of it.

To Jits n Tits:

Thanks for making me realise just how much you all mean to me, as people, friends and teammates and that there is nowhere else I would rather be. Medals don’t mean much compared to our friendships and our crazy. Each and every one of you means the world to me and I am so glad I finally get to see what a group of tough, kind and smart women can do for each other. Thanks for teaching me how to be a better person and for every time you’ve fed me brownies.

Most importantly though, thank you for making me have no doubts in my mind that my BJJ journey is worth having.